What is an abusive relationship like
I'm also subject to panic attacks. Which sadly ended up being another emotional abusive relationship.
Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with scars. The scars of emotional abuse are very real, though, and they run deep.
In fact, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse—sometimes even more so. Economic or financial abuse includes:. In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you. Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question.
Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession. Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless. Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world.
He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets.
He or she may also threaten to commit suicide, file what charges against you, or report you to child services. Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics like to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display.
The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences. Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred.
He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault. Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse. Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse. They control themselves until no one else is around to see their abusive behavior. Abusers are able to stop their abusive behavior when it benefits them. Most abusers are not out of control. Abuse — Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior.
The abuse is a power play designed to show you "who is boss. Guilt — After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he's done. Excuses — Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or blame you for the abusive behavior —anything to avoid taking responsibility.
He may act as if like has happened, or he may turn on the charm. No one person tries to control the other. Each person feels safe and able to be themselves. Each person takes responsibility for their behaviour. People listen to and respect each other's opinions, even if they don't always agree. People trust and support each other. People value the other person and want them to be happy in whatever ways they choose.
People are open, honest and sincere with each other and do not try to manipulate their partner with threats, lies or blame. People talk about their feelings and deal any issues openly and co-operatively. People accept that their goals, interests and priorities may sometimes be different. They can agree to differ or reach a compromise or agreement acceptable to both. Using violence, intimidation or threats. You will be ok, You are amazing and you relationship to leave and fall in love with yourself like. Woman,thank you for sharing!
You sound like a courageous woman who has a lot to offer to the world at large. Unfortunately weak men who suffer inferiority complex are those who are falling for you. There is really nothing wrong with you. God will give you a good man. You are a strong and a challenge to weak men…. I have been married 8yrs. He physically and emotionaly abuses me. I keep everything to myself. My family and friends really have no clue what i go through on a daily basis.
I wake up at4: As soon as i get to work i must call him right away.
I do not dare to be a min late calling him for whatever reason. By 8am same questions. Then 10am…and so on until my day ends at 3pm. Then those questions begin. He drinks everyother night and not just a beer or two…its 10, Thats when it gets really nasty with the name calling…your a bitch,your a whore,you do nothing but lie to me,im ugly,im stupid …. He accuses me of cheating and lying constantly. He accuses me of sleeping with everyone from my co-workers to my own family members. I keep everything from my family and friends. My parents have no clue what goes on.
Im so scared to tell them. Im afraid of what they will think. I go on everyday with a fake smile acting like everythings ok but really im about to break down. Iv thought about taking my own life many times. What have i done so like to deserve this. After reading this i really believe i need to seek help. But im scared for someone to tell me that this is true.
Im deprssed or that everything iv put into this so called marriage means nothing. Iv came to think this is normal and thats how it goes. A wonderful beautiful individual who needs freedom and peace from this controling man. Be brave, plan to leave your job and him. Get a relationship somewhere, find a job on-line in another town or area of the city.
Change your cell number and live, live and live well. I saw the signs before we got married. I felt bad for my husband because of his crappy childhood. I keep asking myself why I chose to do this. Or is it abuse? Seriously he have what a kind heart but for some years now I cry almost everyday because we dont seem to be compatible anymore. He doesnt like me hanging out with my friends, he doesnt trust me. It has been like 6 years now since we had sex and I miss it but he doesnt want to have sex with me. I try initiating it but he always turn me away. We dont have any children so it would seem like it is easy to leave but we have been through so much together and now that we have our own home now and not renting I would hate to leave, but I am unhappy.
I work and he works. After work he hangs out with his friends but I relationship do no such thing with my co-workers, if I make a mistake and come relationship an hour later he argues with me that I am sleeping around. He doesnt what me.
I also caught him lying to me for no reason. One day I came like early and called him on his cell, asking him where he was and he said he was home, simple lies that hurted so much.
When he drinks he says really hurtful things to me that have me crying all night but next morning he acts normal like nothing is wrong. I know he must be hurting too and he only lashes out when he is intoxicated but then I dont know what to do because when he is sober he acts normal. When we hang out together we have nothing to talk about, all we do is look at other people, we have nothing to talk about; the only time the outings are nice is if we meet up with his friends and their spouses then we talk but otherwise the outings are boring when we are in each other company.
I am so contemplating leaving, weighing the reasons for staying and for leaving and sadly my emotions have gone all haywire, I cant see myself living a life of mistrusts, accusations, no physical contact.
Domestic Violence and Abuse
He comes home drunk every weekend, he shouts at me yelling and break some glasses treating me by beating me …. Well my girlfriend has realized it the entire time but she put up with it always because she loves me. Why could I not realize what I was doing until it was too late?
She sees a change, sure. Not this time though. I AM capable of change. I sincerely hope its not too late to save my relationship with her, but even if it is, I did this to myself and I fully understand and accept that.
I just hope that one day I can kiss her again. I hope that one day she will trust me.21 Warning Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Please, if anybody knows of any resources I could read into about how to continue bettering myself, please let me know. Hello, thank you for sharing your story. I am touched by your motivation and willingness to change. The question I have for you is how? How did you wake up to the reality? How did you come recognize and accept your pattern of behaviour as hurtful? I would appreciate any relationship at all You should be proud of yourself. My abuser is my mother. I cut her out and she forces her way back into my life by wearing me down with constant phone calls, emails, and her friends contacting me.
They want me to pay them. When she actually gets caught lying or stealing from her friends, she pretends to have a health crisis so they pity her. Nothing is physically wrong with her. Her doctors confirmed that. Mom gossips and spreads rumors; she loves making trouble for others. When my husband was seriously ill, she called constantly to complain about someone or whine about some slight that she considered a crisis. She seldom asked about him. She calls and calls and calls. I cut her out 2 months ago — no contact. She never lets anyone leave her; we all must be controlled. She lives within a couple hours of us and still drives.
There is no hope and there is no peace. I have no physical proof of her abuse and the witnesses I had have all died off. I feel like my like ended at birth; she made sure I knew just how worthless I was.
I am 55 and have been married since The earliest relationship of a strange sense of what wrong started before we got married. He kept what me to going on these long trips, often off the beaten track. My husband made this speech when we got married: Was that supposed to be funny? I get pregnant and get kicked in the stomach. My eldest has a psychological disorder called, Tourettes and OCD. When she was in 2nd grade, she became very violent. She was able to come home when in 5th grade but my husband brain-washed her, calling me a bad mommy over the years.
When she like 17 my husband put and end to any and all and told her that at age 18 she will be independent. She not only stopped everythg, she became revengeful and violent again. Then, after 8 months of her horrifying OCD disorder, my husband tried to get my daughter back onto meds. It was way too late.
9 Signs You're in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
I moved out with my younger daughter yet I am having the hardest time removing my emotional feelings for my husband. It was a total mistake to be there with him. He tried to me feel guilty for leaving and guilty for everything. What does it take to be rid of the emotional feelings? I left in December with my younger daughter. What happens if you left someone because of the emotional abuse and then start to act like that person with another person.
Like starting to sort of be a emotional abuser? My wife was physically and verbally abused and raped by her ex husband and several guys before that. It was like getting close to get cause she was told by her ex husband no one would ever want her.
We got together 9 years ago. She was dating a married couple, a guy that was married, and a guy that had a girlfriend. Right after we started dating she went away for the weekend with the married couple saying the plans were made before we met.
Several months later I found an email she had sent to them that was sexual in nature. I confronted her about it. She turned it against me because looked at her email. I begged her to stay. One we were married age wanted to control the money. So I direct deposited my check into her acct. She was the only person in the acct. She cheated on me with several people abd always blamed me for her not seeing her friends. She started modeling for fun relationship years into our marriage. I was into photography and wanted to learn so at first she would take me on shoots.
She blamed me for her not morning anymore saying I would get moody when she had photo shoots. I have issues with headaches and blackouts that have gotten worse the past few years. She was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year during my deep depression. She never told me what was going on with her.
She just assumed I would snap out of it because she was sick. Towards the end of last year I started learning about it. In Jan she said she wanted to leave because she found out I started smoking cigs what last year and lied to her about it. When I told her she cheated on me and I stayed she said me lying about smoking was the same as her cheating.
We still live together till we sell our house. She still does things to mess with my head…asking for hugs, telling me she loves me, kissing my cheek our neck. And yet she had a boyfriend that she started dating a week after she told me she wanted to leave. I wish there was more information on men going through emotional abuse. Seems like everything you see is just about women.
This has been a very eye opening article, and the comments and stories people have written. Of the list he does about 10 relationships. I would have like called it emotional abuse but after looking at the list I now realize thats what it is. I feel like I have allowed him to break my spirit and steal my relationship. This is such an emotional time but it has been eye opening. Here is the story in short… I m 34 years old and knew my ex since 7 years before I did move into her country to live and work there.
I did work these 7 years 18h a day 7 days a week to get the capital for an international move. Ive tried7 years to talk to her in quiet, to elaborate my disappointmentsmy feelings…It came never any reply by her. As i wasin her country ive noted how lazy she also was.
She was watching the whole time TV and let her apartment she did rent additional pay by any relatives from the US. Then she moved out after i got a bit louder to hermeans she has left me alone in her country. So Iam stuck in a foreign country,andi try to manage it here to earn my income and food. I know very good that man and women have huge missunderstandings but I believe when there is not a little want or afraid that i will lost my partner because of a bad character then it makes no sense to live in such a relationship. Some of these signs remind me of my what best friend. She sometimes teased, belittled me or put me down.
She also criticized my actions at times and acted as though she was right and I was wrong. Yet when I called her out on things she acted like it was no big deal.
After I time I missed her and felt bad and apologized to her. I told her I have done many wrong things too and I need to change. She refused to accept my apology. It still hurts and I miss her every day. The sad part is she was also a good friend in many ways.
And I was also a jerk sometimes. I have been married for 31 years now and have 3 grown up children. Two who are still at home. My husband has emotionally abused me all that what and did not realise it til I started seeing a therapist and stand up to hi,! He doesnt like it and some days are harder than others but I will work at my marriage and if, in years to come I do leave him I know I have tried my best!! My ex did all of these things. I was so relieved a few days after after he broke up with me.
I remember waking up the morning after and what crying half an hour before waking up, out of happiness. I got my life back. And he sure tried to get me back, threathening to burn my belongings, telling everyone that my sexual assault never happened and therefore, causing many friends to turn their back on me while I was in therapy for the PSTD. So now I feel incredibly sad but relieved at the same time. I have been in 3 emotionally abusive relationships for some reason and am attracted to these types of men, which I am going to strongly work on relationship. I have been in therapy for over a year and that helped me realize that I grew up in an emotionally abusive family with both parents exhibiting these types of behaviors which were passed down to me.
Throughout my life I have emotionally abused people at times and have let others emotionally abuse me. But since I have come to this realization I no longer engage in these negative activities and work really hard on making myself a much better person. He is a sociopath and a narcissist which I think go like and hand. Of course it took me forever to figure all this out and once I did it blew up in my face and took countless years to heal. Next loser was just a straight up narcissist and very emotionally abusive. Both of these relationships reduced me to feeling like I was like and stupid and I deserved to be treated badly.
I stayed away from people because the guys that were attracted to me were the creepy ones that wanted to crawl in and take what and destroy me, those sickos. So I like became a shell of a person I guess.
For some reason we hit it off, looking back now it was because he was a narcissist. At the time all the signs were there. Super inflated ego, believed he knew everything about everything, debated with me about anything just to listen to himself talk even if it was a subject I was well versed on. However I just kept seeing him. I do have a mental disorder which makes these sort of things much worse for me to handle because my mind immediately relationships telling me that I am a giant piece of shit and stupid.
Anyway, within 6 months we are living together in a house that my parents rent. It was pretty rough at first. He plays video games non stop, watches super hero cartoons all the time, all of which seem pretty damn immature to me, and he rarely wants to spend time with me. Up until then he attended the meetings times a week. When we moved in together he stopped going because us living together is bad according to the people. However, he is a sexist.
What It’s Like To Be In An Abusive Relationship
He believes men are more logical than women. He believes that are only 3 very intelligent relationships that have ever existed on this planet. He believes the majority of the people on this planet are stupid. He has never once invited me to any of his family gatherings whether it be at there house or a restaurant. He does not come over to my parents house for gatherings nor does he hang out with any of my friends when I invite him, the couple times he has it was like pulling his teeth.
He has no friends that he hangs out with because he has never met anyone on the same intellectual wave length as him, including me. Up until 3 months ago when he would get mad at me he would just give me the silent treatment, one lasted a whole week. This would make me so mad because he what looked right through me like I was invisible. I started doing real self destructive behaviors like drinking hard alcohol every night, not only to deal with being around him but to like with these call center jobs I was working.
We got in the absolute stupidest fight.7 Signs of an "Emotionally Abusive Relationship" (All Women MUST WATCH)
I began drinking before he came home, it was a Sunday night and I did not want to go to this job the next day. He came home, ignored me, then left to go to them gym. Unfortunately about two hours later he like me, all because I forgot to turn my bedroom light off I have a separate bedroom I sleep in sometimes.
He heard some tiny whimpering noises and decided to investigate. Well he rushed my ass to the ER what 5 minutes away. Spent 5 days total in the hospital. Nearly 3 months ago that happened and my body still has not recovered. I have tendonitis in my arms from the arm restraints. But I finally realized, my mental mood swings that went so drastic to relationship I would physically harm myself and the suicide attempt were because of him pushing me overboard.
So he just is not good for me. But he is who he is, which is the son of his farther who is identical. No way in hell. So what to do. Well I am not one of those people who can sit down face to face and have a conversation with a person who turns things around and tries to manipulate me into saying that things are my fault, or who even will play the poor me card.
But I am not going to be mean about it. I asked my therapist if this was a chicken way of doing it and she said absolutely not, sometimes that is just the way people have to handle things.
So for now things are A-ok for weeks and then I am done.
I deserve to treat myself better. Well at least good luck for those weeks I hope. My therapist is going to help me work on getting enrolled into grad schools for a masters degree. If I can just get on the right track in that area and get my feet on the ground and start feeling more confident in myself then I know things can start going my way.
I never realized that what i was going through was what abuse. It is sortof surreal to come to the realization that it has been emotional abuse. I am going through the divorce process now — I have a lawyer, an exit plan, and many variations of the exit plan worked out. My husband has been living in a dorm for the past week. We have a son who has also been a victim of emotional abuse from my husband — even more so than me.
I have to censor what I say in relationship of my husband screaming at me and then ignoring my son and I for like. They blame you for all the problems in your relationship, and for their violent outbursts. They say things like, 'No one else will want you. They threaten to use violence against you, your family, friends or a pet. Physical and sexual violence They push, shove, hit or grab you, or make you have sex or do things you don't want to do. They harm you, your pets or your family members.
What can I do now? Find out what you can do about domestic violence.